The past and future secret

Tah Dah!

2008-12-23T07:24:34Z

Well once again Im a asshole, whod of thought that.

Lift you up just enough to bring you down.

2008-12-10T07:13:55Z

Hmm I dont know why I take so much pride in hurting peoples feelings but I find it to my liking.

Somethings calling

2008-11-27T06:20:13Z

Ok Im not one to complain on my health much but I really think I should see a docotr about this well two things really but they are tyed into one. Well for a while here Id say nearly 7 or so months I keep hearing someone talk to me its a low voice with a metalic tone alomost. But it always talks to me Id say almost 4 5 times a day. And I think me going a lil biut more " odd" is a side effect of it. Also when it does decide to come around myheart speeds up so damned fast that it beats so hard against my chest and makes me very very odd feeling. Kinda like being high and having a orgasm at the same time.
Its just plainly odd

hip hop hip hopanonomous

2008-11-25T07:03:52Z

Today was good.

Got some
Got some venison

And well theres Nine Inch Nails tommorow

But my nads hurt

another notch in my belt

2008-11-10T06:27:45Z

So I can now check off another " to do" thing before I die off my list.

4 more to go and I can die happily. Which are.

1.) Die from aids
2.) Fuck a chick with a strap on with out getting a hard on.
3.) Meet Fabio
4.) ........

What I've done. Although Im sure this is the old to do list.which Im sure it is.

1. Get arrested
2. Have a three some
3. Get a Dwi
4. Try at least 4 types of drugs
5. walk around naked at a nude beach
6. Go to jail
7. Have a sweet surgury of some kind
8. Get into a car accident. ( alife threatening one not a wussy fender bender)
9. Get a suit of armor
10.Make out with a lady over 45
11.Bungiee jump

I'm a new man because of this! And it feels gooood!

2008-08-27T04:36:50Z

LOL!

OVERCOMING MASTURBATION

a Guide to Self Control...

...distributed by: Mormon Church at Brigham Young University

The attitude a person has toward his problem has an effect on how easily it is overcome. It is essential that a firm commitment be made to control the habit. As a person understands his reasons for the behavior, and is sensitive to the conditions or situations that may trigger a desire for the act, he develops the power to control it.

We are taught that our bodies are temples of God, and are to be clean so that the Holy Ghost may dwell within us. Masturbation is a sinful habit that robs one of the Spirit and creates guilt and emotional stress. It is not physically harmful unless practiced in the extreme. It is a habit that is totally self-centered, and secretive, and in no way expresses the proper use of the procreative power given to man to fulfill eternal purposes. It therefore separates a person from God, and defeats the gospel plan.

This self-gratifying activity will cause one to lose his self-respect and feel guilty and depressed, which can in the extreme lead to further sinning. As a person feels spiritually unclean, he loses interest in prayer, his testimony becomes weak, and missionary work and other Church callings become burdensome, offering no joy and limited success.

To help in planning an effective program to overcome the problem, a brief explanation is given of how the reproductive organs in a young man function.

The testes in your body are continuously producing hundreds of millions of reproductive cells called spermatozoa. These are moved up a tube called the vas deferens to a place called the ampulla where they are mixed with fluids from two membranous pouches called seminal vesicles and the prostate gland. The resultant fluid is called semen. When the seminal vesicles are full a signal is sent to the central nervous system indicating they are ready to be emptied. The rate at which this filling takes place varies greatly from one person to another, depending on such things as diet, exercise, state of health, etc. For some it may be several times a week, for others twice a month, and for others hardly ever.

It is normal for the vesicles to be emptied occasionally at night during sleep. This is called a "wet dream." The impulses that cause the emptying come from the central nervous system. Often an erotic dream is experienced at the same time, and is part of the normal process. If a young man has constantly masturbated instead of letting nature take its course, the reproductive system is operating at a more rapid pace, trying to keep up with the loss of semen. When he stops the habit, the body will continue to produce at this increased rate for an indefinite period of time, creating sexual tensions and pressure. These are not harmful and are to be endured until the normal central nervous system's pathway of release is once again established.

During this period of control several things can be done to make the process easier and more effective. As one meets with his priesthood leader, a program for overcoming masturbation can be implemented using some of the suggestions which follow. Remember it is essential that a regular report program be agreed on, so progress can be recognized and failures understood and eliminated.

SUGGESTIONS

1. Pray daily, ask for the gifts of the Spirit, that which will strengthen you against temptation. Pray fervently and out loud when the temptations are the strongest.

2. Follow a program of vigorous daily exercise. These exercises reduce emotional tensions and depression and are absolutely basic to the solution of this problem. Double your physical activity when you feel stress increasing.

3. When the temptation to masturbate is strong, yell "stop" to those thoughts as loudly as you can in your mind and then recite a pre-chosen scripture or sing an inspirational hymn. It is important to turn your thoughts away from the selfish need to indulge.

4. Set goals of abstinence, begin with a day, then a week, month, year, and finally commit to never doing it again. Until you commit yourself to never again, you will always be open to temptation.

5. Change in behavior and attitude is most easily achieved through a changed self-image. Spend time every day imagining yourself strong and in control, easily overcoming tempting situations.

6. Begin to work daily on a self-improvement program. Relate this plan to improving your church service, to improving your relationships with your family, God and others. Strive to enhance your strengths and talents.

7. Be outgoing and friendly. Force yourself to be with others and learn to enjoy working and talking with them. Use principles of developing friendships found in books such as "How to Win Friends and Influence People" by Dale Carnegie.

8. Be aware of situations that depress you or that cause you to feel lonely, bored, frustrated, or discouraged. These emotional states can trigger the desire to masturbate as a way of escape. Plan in advance to counter these low periods through various activities, such as reading a book, visiting a friend, doing something athletic, etc.

9. Make a pocket calendar for a month on a small card. Carry it with you, but show it to no one. If you have a lapse of self-control, color that day black. Your goal will be to have no black days. The calendar becomes a strong visual reminder of self-control and should be looked at when you are tempted to add another black day. Keep your calendar up until you have at least three clear months.

10. A careful study will indicate you have had the problem at certain times and under certain conditions. Try and recall, in detail, what your particular times and conditions were. Now that you understnad how it happens, plan to break the pattern through counter-activities.

11. In the field of psychotherapy, there is a very effective technique call "aversion therapy." When we associate or think of something very distasteful with something which has been pleasurable, but undesirable, the distasteful thought and feeling will begin to cancel out that which was pleasurable. If you associate something very distasteful with your loss of self-control it will help you stop the act. For example, if you are tempted to masturbate, think of having to bathe in a tub of worms, and eat several of them as you do the act.

12. During your toilet and shower activities, leave the bathroom door or shower curtain partly open, to discourage being alone in total privacy. Take cool brief showers.

13. Arise immediately in the mornings. Do not lie in bed awake, no matter what time of day it is. Get up and do something. Start each day with an enthusiastic activity.

14. Keep your bladder empty. Refrain from drinking large amounts of fluids before retiring.

15. Reduce the amount of spices and condiments in your food. Eat as lightly as possible at night.

16. Wear pajamas that are difficult to open, yet loose and not binding.

17. Avoid people, situations, pictures or reading materials that might create sexual excitement.

18. It is sometimes helpful to have a physical object to use in overcoming this problem. A Book of Mormon, firmly held in hand, even in bed at night has proven helpful in extreme cases.

19. In very severe cases it may be necessary to tie a hand to the bed frame with a tie in order that the habit of masturbating in a semi-sleep condition can be broken. This can also be accomplished by wearing several layers of clothing which would be difficult to remove while half-asleep.

20. Set up a reward system for your successes. It does not have to be a big reward. A quarter in a receptacle each time you overcome or reach a goal. Spend it on something which delights you and will be a continuing reminder of your progress.

21. Do not let yourself return to any past habit or attitude patterns which were part of your problem. Satan never gives up. Be calmly and confidently on guard. Keep a positive mental attitude. You can win this fight! The joy and strength you will feel when you do will give your whole life a radiant and spiritual glow of satisfaction and fulfillment.

If I restrained from polishing the pewter I swear Id go insane!
Fuck off mormons, you and your weird ways. So everyone please please please
MASTURBATE AWAY!

oh hum

2008-08-06T04:16:56Z

I feel depressed about this.
Im sure I'll get a chance another time.
But life moves on
And seasons change

How things are and how things will go.

2008-08-05T02:31:47Z

So I now have a part time job. Thought it go over well when and if I told my parents. I thought wrong. They want me to call and tell them I want full time and if I dont get full time I wont work. WTF its a fucking job to say the least and truthfully I dont really care what they say or do anymore the mother expecially. I have to say she is the definition of the word "Cunt". My Father I can somewhat live with but even the bs he spits out is just dumb.
But Im just pleased as punch I now have a job that I can start paying my mass pile of bills be it friends or other Im just glad.
So a friend of mine is moving that kinda makes me sad but at least its something she will like doing once she gets there.
I dont get why both my parents and brother find the two dogs they have as great investments. I mean what drives a person to talk like a baby and sing stupid nonescence to a animal that probably thinks your a dumbass for talking and or singing that way. I just want to just wrap my hands around thier necks when they do it. And when the dogs bark they just say in a nice playfull voice to shush which doesnt do a damned thing, and when I yell at them the mother and bro get all mad like I did something completely wrong. I just dont get it. I hate fuckin small dogs and to tell you the truth almost all dogs.
Hmm Im hoping I can move soon from here, everyday someone finds something to blame on me, be it mother telling all my aunts cousins and uncles Im a thief liar and a drug addict to me being yelled at cause the dog tore up some random shit that was placed by them in thier reach. I do now get why some people just plain snap and do what they do be it assault, killing , arson or other random acts of violence or destruction. What takes the cake is they dont see any wrong in thier actions, Mother expceially when she verbally brings down all my friends and or random people she finds a flaw in.
So yes all in all I hope this job gets me to where I need to go cause I dont want to be here for long.......

Over and out

when your talkin to yourself, and nobodys home

2008-04-25T01:53:57Z

I just might.....

There are far worse things awaiting man than death!

2008-03-28T02:05:56Z

So the news the other day.

Parents arrested in death of thier 11 year old daughter by refusing her medical attention.
She was going in and out of diabetic shock. And the cowards thought praying would save her.
This type of diabetis was easily curable but what she went through is some really really awful pain, her body shut its self down.
Her parents where christian. And they may get off this scotch free.

Fuck you christians who are standing by them saying it was ok.
Hope you all burn

SHE WAS ONLY 11 !

I havent been this mad or upset in awhile

Seriously??

2008-03-05T04:22:42Z

So get this Im sure your all aware of this rebate check the government is giving us all who did there taxes. Well here Iam waiting for my 600 bucks cause for some strange reason I actually made enough for it...... Turns out my parents found a damned loop hole in it so now my 600 bucks goes to them..
Do I see any of it? NO. They are gonna use it to redo the kitchen. My bro gets money from it so WTF cant I! For once things wher going good now this. And most of you may say its only 600 bucks, Well there goes my licence me finding a car or whatever....

BURN IT TO THE GROUND

All and all

2008-02-25T03:34:07Z

It was a fairly rocking weekend.

I got my lunch box and Im armed real well

2008-02-12T07:03:37Z

Losing a finger is not fun!. In fact losing any appendege sucks plain out. Not that I was expecting it to happen I know it will happen one day but seriously cuttin off a finger truely isnt a walk in the park. It hurts and yes there is alot of blood. One might think. " Hey no worrys Ill get in sewn back on in the E.R.. But have you ever thought of the sheer complexedy of what holds a finger on? Theres skin muscle bone and of course tendons so on and so forth. A doctor just doesnt look at it and sew it on.! Such a waste I must say. What would one do without a finger, sure theres four left but what if you miss the missing one.? Down the line I hope to save it when said finger cannot be attached.

So not to much has been going on in this neck of the woods. Im looking at buying a 1970 VW Beetle to fix up and drive as a daily driver. I dont understand why U.S. cars go back to old times and make cars that get 45 miles per gallon like said car.
My trip/move to wisconsin has been postponed due to a violation in parol for my dumb dui. But other than that things are fine. Sept for the fear of my finger as previously stated. To much pain and what if things dont go as planned I seriously dont want 4 fingers.

Most awesome

2008-01-30T04:37:27Z

Well ordered my armour
And have a few choice weapon heads heading my ways.!
Woot woot.

Wow

2008-01-18T00:13:54Z

So my Dad decided to sit down have a nice shrimp cocktail meal to just relax.

Well the brother found out and went beserk I guess he wanted that for lunch tommorow. So he starts screaming and throwing plates forks etc all around and screaming how he never gets what he wants and how I just lounge around not doing anything.
He seriously has roid rage.
I find it funny and yet Im a lil scarred to fall asleep.
Seriously he flips out from the dumbest things sometimes.

Wow just wow!

Maps and Legends

2008-01-09T05:19:39Z

Well this new year has gone off fairly good so far.
Didnt really make many new years resolutions sept for a few
Drink less- Hvent really had much to drink sept for the usual 2 night relax beers. And ocasional whiskey. But whiskey is a non drink drink for me due to me being Irish.
Another one is to get my armour back, Hopefully Emily will help me out on this one. Due to the fact it made me incredibly happy to have and its also a good rage killer by fighting in it.
Last one is to get my licence and a job. Well Im really close to it. So thats my resolutions or whatever the fuck you call it.
Im not gonna cut down on pot cause well I arely do it and well it makes me feel sane and less hurtful and more off more artsy. So whoever thinks its bad for you should calm down a bit till you actually tried it.

Back to the artsy type o thing Ive been in the mood to just paint or sculpt thing is I have no materials for it now and its driving me mad!. At least I jotted them down for future reference. Oh and also I got a few armouring tools being sent to me in the mail so I can actually fuck around on that.

Well shit I just lost all track of mind talking about larges Clits...

More to maybe come

Over and out!

grr

2008-01-01T17:32:24Z

So last night Nick , matt and lobster stole my phone and texted nearly everyone in my directory!
Lol and put on a dumb alarms that wont shut the hell up.

Sad Emily didnt make it. Oh wells

What the hell

2007-12-29T17:58:23Z

One thing you should never do is wash your clothes with your money in it.
Mr. Benjermin got all ruined. Lol that got me pissed have you ever taken a pice of papaer and got it so wet it turns to the texture of TP? Well that almost happened. But tI traded him off for a few twentys and tens at el banko.

Oh and also a gunsmith may hire me to do work for him which is cool.

And dont you hate the dreams you have where you win something and are all happy then wake up and are all like " ahhhhh" sad face

All our times have come.

2007-12-29T06:13:54Z

So yet another year has come and gone. Not really sure if it was any different than any previous year, but lets just see what all random things I decided to do this year....

So lets just ramble on and on shall we. Basically this year was allright sept for me moving home from big lake which in fact sucked alot of cock. I still think Id be down there and actually have a decent job if my dad didnt fuck up. But as you all know shortly after I was stuck in his same situation. But, Unlike him I didnt get shit for help. Fuckin DWI's. I basically bent over backwards to help him out and when it happended to me I got nothing.!
So yes I really advise not getting one of them.
Also I finnaly got to go see a friend in wisconsin that Ive been waiting to go see for some time, Thanks to my now estranged friend Brian. I really dont know where the hell he went, Im pretty sure he decided to just erase me from his messenger and all that jazz for what ever rasons he has. But yes thanks to him I got to go see a friend that I havent seen before.
He and I also decided while in wisconsin one day to drive up to duluth in the wee hours of the night just for the hell of it. His sister did have a dog show and what not up there so it made it somewhat worth it, Also the falls and what ever else we decided to see up there was pretty damn awesome. I'd really like to know where the fuck Brian went he basically just dissapeared, not to sure if I pissed him off or not but it be nice to see where the hell he went. So where yah go Brian?!
I had a few odd jobs during the summer, One of which I thought would turn to full time but as always spit in my face. So I guess you cant get hired for being to efficent at a job seriously wtf, I thought that doing good and going beyond what your supposed to do is good,. Well apparently no. Fuck that huh

At the home front. Nothing at all really new here. I still say that if both my parents and brother dissapear I wouldnt think twice of where they went.
I had enough shit piled up on me because of them. Things that I dont want or need. And me catching 22 for losing my licence makes it even more harder for me to do anything. Everyone says well move out. Well to move out you need money. To get money you need a job. To get a job you need reliable transportation. So its kinda a viscious circle. And all of you who say its easy to find a job or move out your well beyond the truth f that. Im sorry but no matter how easy you think it is it really isnt.
Most of my friends just sorta just dissapeared this year to. Im not to sure if it was cause of me not being able o get any where or what. Maybe it was cause I needed a ride, but I usually payed for whatever services they di. But most if not all my friends just dissapeared. Not that I really care but it quite lonely having noone to talk to or be around.

woot

2007-12-22T18:51:40Z

I must say spending your last dollar on a pull tab and winning 100 dollars is very nice.

Cause maybe.. Your gonna be the one who saves me..

2007-12-05T06:32:43Z

Well I guess winter is finally here. I cant really complain but I really do not like snow. I dont mind sledding or making snow Chris' or forts or anything like that I just have a huge disgust towards it. I mean what the fuck do we need frozen water covering the ground for anyways? Why cant we just have rain I can deal with that. Seriously have you ever been walking down the road and happen to go under a tree at the very moment that said tree decides to let lose with its white frozen crap!. And you all know where it goes, right straight down your back. Then it gets all cold and a feeling beyond numb as it then decides to thaw and turn into water making it look like you pissed your pants or something. Embarrassing I tell you. Also all that damn shoveling you have to to too. You finnally get all your shovelling done and pussy assed snow then decides to blow over your awesome work. God damn if snow had a face Id punch the living crap out of it.
Snow makes me grumpy as all hell. Also it makes me very depressed. Its sometimes beautiful. But its fuckin white! Whats so good about that!
Anyways I hope Emily decides to only live in NY for a year. It will really be sad not having a friend here.

"Suck a cock snow!" Me swearing at the snow after it went down my jacket when my Dad kicked a tree I was under.

Long before it started I knew his name

2007-12-01T07:44:23Z

Greetings.

I heard this from my friend so its 99 percent that this did happen

Well not to much in life really gets me upset. I get mad but usually just swallow whatever rage madness or whatever. But some things I can't stand and this is one thing I just recently heard of that really got me going.
Im not going to name names but they know who they are.
So one of my friends has been in a rocky relationship since day one. This person was hit a few times by thier significant other. That got me mad and that person found out what Id do to them if they did it again.
Anywhos this relationship ending up in my friend getting pregnant.
The Lil one is adorable and cute as most babys are. And is a few weeks old
Well my friends significant other just told her today that he wanted nothing to do with her or the baby.
Seriously who cowardly do you have to be to do that?. At least help with buying this Bobbin food etc etc. Not tucking tail and running. People like this arent people at all they arent even worth more than spit.

Anyways yes that made me very very mad
And if I see this person something will have to happen.

Over and out

Ya

2007-11-30T04:54:59Z

Have three places I have my name in.
Hopefully I'll get hired.
Need to try to get back to Arctic Cat tommorow if I have time and a ride.
Made 50 bucks today
Will make 50 bucks tommorow.

Hmm thats all I guess
My life is dull

Well then

2007-11-21T05:57:25Z

Ok now Im vehicle less.

Got a phone call from my dad tonight ( mind you my night was going awesome I had a date) saying he burned out the tranny/clutch in my truck.!
For those of you who ever driven a clutch know that you usually push the clutch in when your slowing down from a greater speed. Well my dad thinks its perfectly fine to slow down without depressing the clutch. So say he goes from 60 to zero. He psuuses it in at 5mp or when the truck drags as they call it. Well this basically grinds the living fuck out of the clutch and putting serious strain on the tranny.
So he later calls ricky whos a mechanic friend and finds out it will be any where from 600- in the thousands.
Now he doesnt want to fix it and wants me to bother with it to scrape it. !

So I had it sent to my friends place and THEY ARE ( my parents) pay to fix it.

Seriously if it was his truck he wouldnt think of doing that after being told many times that its bad for the truck. He'd baby the fuck out of it. He driven that truck so much he now needs a oil chance etc etc and wont due it cause its now broke!
Im extremely pissed.
I loved that truck as all of you know or may not know NISSANS are my favorite brand. And it took me years to finnaly find a nice pathfinder.

So sad
Over and out

Bloody Tears

2007-11-13T08:36:38Z

For the last 15 some years I had a image etched in my head of a old bridge surrounded by water with trees and moutains in the back ground. I dont know why but that image alone makes me happy. I painted it countlss times in different styles or colors and it always makes me happy. Like its a place I know I can always go to and not feel sad, frightened depressed or anything else. But the onkly time I see it is in my dreams and its always the same peacful calm and warm. Odd thing is that image is from a video game, Castlevania 2, To be exact. Its just odd that some people have places and physical things they can hold on to to feel happy or whatever feelings they decide to feel, but the only thing I have is locked in a dream or doesnt exsist. But it does make me smile which I guess is good.
Also while walking downtown today I stumbled into the court buildings to see if I have to go to jail due to not getting classes or random things finished in a timely matter(sad to say I may have to go for a bit not long) but thats besides the point. I saw a littleflyer or meeting paper thing. They are looking for people from the age 21- dead to help out kids who had been neglected or abused as children. Kinda like boys and girls club but not really, so being that happened to me I asked what it takes to volunteer and I guess I can help out. In the next few months I get to spend my time hanging out with kids and doing/showing them art things (you get to say what your interested in) so yes that could kick some ass I think. If I do decide to go through with it.

Home front still sucks, turns out as usual I have no place to go for Thanksgiving and for Xmas. Cause " My type isnt welcome around my younger or older relatives." Quoted by my aunt and uncle.And of course mother. Im invited to thanksgiving in wisconsin with Heather but theres no way in hell I can get there, even if I did I dont know how things would work out for me coming back or staying or whatever problems may arrise in that time. So Im just going to sit at home again and do nothing. Maybe Emilys Mom will be around again. Who knows.

Also on the home front my parents are going to soon force me to take a Psychological evaluation they say what I do shouldnt be normal things someone my age does or some odd crap. And I know what I see as normal other people wont so Im screwed lol.
Im getting very bored with myself and I thought I really need to find a girlfriend or something to keep my mind from thinking of ways to get money illeaglally or causeing harm to myself. So far there are no cool chicks around. And most of them will probably not like the point of view I see most things in life. Hmm anyways

I havent seen Emily or Brian for some amount of time. More likely found someone cooler than me. It happens all the time I guess.

For not smoking pot for the last few weeks I still feel incredably fucked up, not high not drunk just that everything seems a wee bit blurry. Im sure its cause the only person I talk to now is Boris or myself. And reality I believe is melting into my fantasy even more. Which for me is quite fine for other people Im not to sure. Either way your all fucked.

Over and out